One must ask…what tops the charts more?
a.) getting wasteyface and telling your exbf that you still have feelings for him and lord knows what else (the memory is extremely fuzzy with no real specifics, I just know it happened) at his current gf’s bday party
or
b.) making out with exbf’s gf. On their bed.
I truly believe that I reached a new level of amazing-ness this weekend.
I’ve done the confessing feelings thing once before to the exbf. At his last bday party. Apparently bday parties make me nostalgic? All I know is that in real sober life, Betty does not want her exbf back. In real sober life, Betty doesn’t even think about her exbf.
Don’t get me wrong, he really is a wonderful person. He is like, 100% my ideal kind of boy. But I moved on a long time ago. That ship has sailed.
I think a couple things contributed to my behavior. For one, booze. Booze clouds the thoughts. Second, him and her on separate occasions throughout the night told me how unhappy they are in the relationship. She wants marriage and kids. He doesn’t. She even at one point said she might just have to stop taking her birth control pills. Which was said in a joking manner, but obviously had some seriousness to it.
Anyways, my costume was embarrassing. I was under the impression that people would be dressed in character from 80’s movies. All the girls were in leotards with side pony tails. And then there is me dressed in full on goblin king attire. After about an hour I was back in my skinny jeans and mates of state band t-shirt. I forgot that lame, uncreative girls wear lame, uncreative costumes. I should have known better.
And now on to S matters.
I had texted him last Thursday telling him I got free tickets to bumbershoot ( an event in Seattle with a bunch of bands) and wanted to know if he wanted a couple. No response. I texted him again, which also got no response. I started to worry, because he at least usually replies to me. He FINALLY replied to me this morning and claimed he was sick with the flu and that’s why he hadn’t replied to me. Weird, I guess I didn’t get the memo stating that the flu prevents you from looking at your phone and that your fingers become paralyzed.
We are going to dinner tomorrow because I am a pathetic jackass. Although I fully intend on telling him that if he has no interest in “us” anymore, that I would like to move on and start dating. We will see how that goes.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Update on Portland shenanigans
Saturday:
10:00am- Piled 8 folks into the blue angels ( me and cousins matching blue Hondas) and left. Planned to leave at 9:00am, so we were only an hour behind schedule.
11:00am- Stopped at Poodle Dog restaurant for breaky. And yes, the restaurant is actually called Poodle Dog.
11:15am- Stop to get gas. There was a young man at the gas station in Tacoma wearing a shirt that said "I’m the shit" in large, bold letters. To put it mildly, he definitely wasn’t the shit.
2:00pm- Arrive in Portland, park the blue angels and immediately steal the ribbon magnet off of the truck parked in front of me. Get scolded by my friend. We will call her legs. Because she has long legs.
2:15-3:00pm- Go up to our rooms at the Doubletree and then almost immediately make our way down to the hotel bar. Order vodka soda with lime number one.
3:00pm- Take the max (why can’t Seattle have public transportation like this??) downtown. Hit up a bar and order a shot of jaeger and another vodka soda with lime.
3:30pm-6:30pm- Tool around Portland being noisy, boisterous tourists. Hit up various bars ordering a shot and a drink at each one.
6:30pm- Get back on the Max to go back to hotel and realize that everyone on the max is glaring at us and hating the shit out of all 11 of us.
7:00pm- Primp. Put on new skinny jeans and pin striped shirt with flats. Curse myself for f’ing up my knee so bad that I probably won’t ever be able to wear heels again.
8:00pm- Arrive at thai restaurant for dinner and split a meal with legs. Everyone orders more drinks. Including sake bombs. Yum.
9:30pm- Back to hotel to drop off the blue angels and get on the Max to go back downtown.
10:00pm- Arrive at a gay bar serving $1 wells until 11:00pm. Everyone proceeds to double fist to ensure we get as hammered as possible before 11:00. Success. And I only spent $5. Can’t beat that with a stick. Gather on empty dance floor and group dance our hearts our for 15 minutes or so
11:30pm- Make our way to a bar called the tube. Hipsters and tattooed people galore. We fit in. Order a double vodka soda with lime and take a shot. Stand directly in front of DJ booth and dance my heart out as if I am at a rave. To 50’s and 60’s music. Conclude that I am probably the best dancer in the place.
12:30am- Flip off black out Island. I won’t be visiting you tonight, my friend. Continue dancing and drinking.
1:30am- Head back to the max and wait. 3 brilliant friends of mine and myself decide it would be a good time to get into a slapping contest and proceed to slap each other on the face as hard as we possibly can. Realize everyone that is also waiting for the train are watching us with gaping mouths. Decide I don’t really care and continue. Best boy friend pukes red shit all over his vans. Mild brown out after that because I don’t remember the ride back to the hotel.
2:30am- Arrive back at hotel. Enter hotel room to E (cousin’s gf and my besty) flipping out because she pissed the bed. Take her into the bathroom and strip her wet clothes off and put her into one of my dresses. She calms down. 10 minutes later she flips out again and I have to restrain her and she tries to fight me. I take her into the bathroom again and have to slap her across the face to get her to calm down. She is clearly blacked out. Calm her down AGAIN, smoke a cig with her on the balcony and put her to bed.
3:00am- Legs and the gay asian arrive back bearing 7-11 gifts. Shove cheetos into my face and realize they are the spicy kind (I hate spicy foods) and start jumping up and down. Soothe the mouth burn by inhaling an egg salad sandwich. From 7-11. Classy.
4:00am- Finally pass out.
Sunday:
9:00am- Wake up feeling completely famished. Go to breakfast in the hotel and order the buffet. Worst buffet ever. Feel sick.
10:00am- Go to the pool and sit on the edge with my feet dangling in, feeling ill.
10:30am- Go to pack up the blue angel. Great, she has a flat tire. Like completely flat. Call AAA and have them come change it because im lazy like that.
11:00am- Pack up car and head to Firestone to get a stupid tire.
12:00pm- 100 dollars later we are back on the road.
1:00pm- Hit terrible traffic.
2:00pm- Hit more terrible traffic.
3:00pm- Hit even more terrible traffic.
4:00- Continue hitting traffic until we are about a half hour out of Seattle.
6:00- Arrive home and shoot myself in the head because I am so exhausted and over driving and sitting in a car. Okay, I didn’t actually shoot myself, that was a lie, but I wanted to! Instead I was sweet and went and picked S up and brought him one of his favorite foods to in return find out he doesn’t know if he is in love with me.
That’s usually what someone wants to come home to after an awesome weekend, right?
Whatevs, I have actually felt okay the past 3 days. Strong. Better than all this ish. We’ll see if that feeling continues.
On a completely unrelated note, my mother has MRSA. I am leaving work early today to take her to the hospy. Her cute little MRSA infection is resisting normal antibiotics so she has to be hooked up to an IV. Good times. Hopefully I have an open cut somewhere on my body and her infection infects me. That would be the perfect ending to a shitty week.
2 positive things I should mention: Saturday I am helping my friend throw a pub crawl fundraiser for her friend that has ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). I am passionate about it because my grandfather passed away from ALS. Lot’s of awareness needs to be raised about this disease so more research can be done. Just sayin’.
Also, I am attending an 80’s movie costume party on Saturday after the fundraiser. While most of the girls will be all Flashdance and Pretty Woman and other slut inspired costumes, yours truly will be decked out as Jareth, the Goblin King from the Labyrinth. Mullet rocker wig, white billowy pirate shirt with black vest over it, cape with large collar, gray leggings and black knee high boots. Oh, and a sock stuffed into the leggings to give the "bulge" effect. I practiced my David Bowie makeup last night. With the whole costume on, I looked so gross. But ridiculously amazing, simultaneously. I truly amaze myself with my ability to put a costume together.
On that note, I am off to staphinfectionville.
Pump up songs of the moment:
Figurine- Let's make our love song
Mates of State- Middle is Gold
Sad sack songs of the moment:
Cat Power- The Greatest
Okkervil River- A King and a Queen
10:00am- Piled 8 folks into the blue angels ( me and cousins matching blue Hondas) and left. Planned to leave at 9:00am, so we were only an hour behind schedule.
11:00am- Stopped at Poodle Dog restaurant for breaky. And yes, the restaurant is actually called Poodle Dog.
11:15am- Stop to get gas. There was a young man at the gas station in Tacoma wearing a shirt that said "I’m the shit" in large, bold letters. To put it mildly, he definitely wasn’t the shit.
2:00pm- Arrive in Portland, park the blue angels and immediately steal the ribbon magnet off of the truck parked in front of me. Get scolded by my friend. We will call her legs. Because she has long legs.
2:15-3:00pm- Go up to our rooms at the Doubletree and then almost immediately make our way down to the hotel bar. Order vodka soda with lime number one.
3:00pm- Take the max (why can’t Seattle have public transportation like this??) downtown. Hit up a bar and order a shot of jaeger and another vodka soda with lime.
3:30pm-6:30pm- Tool around Portland being noisy, boisterous tourists. Hit up various bars ordering a shot and a drink at each one.
6:30pm- Get back on the Max to go back to hotel and realize that everyone on the max is glaring at us and hating the shit out of all 11 of us.
7:00pm- Primp. Put on new skinny jeans and pin striped shirt with flats. Curse myself for f’ing up my knee so bad that I probably won’t ever be able to wear heels again.
8:00pm- Arrive at thai restaurant for dinner and split a meal with legs. Everyone orders more drinks. Including sake bombs. Yum.
9:30pm- Back to hotel to drop off the blue angels and get on the Max to go back downtown.
10:00pm- Arrive at a gay bar serving $1 wells until 11:00pm. Everyone proceeds to double fist to ensure we get as hammered as possible before 11:00. Success. And I only spent $5. Can’t beat that with a stick. Gather on empty dance floor and group dance our hearts our for 15 minutes or so
11:30pm- Make our way to a bar called the tube. Hipsters and tattooed people galore. We fit in. Order a double vodka soda with lime and take a shot. Stand directly in front of DJ booth and dance my heart out as if I am at a rave. To 50’s and 60’s music. Conclude that I am probably the best dancer in the place.
12:30am- Flip off black out Island. I won’t be visiting you tonight, my friend. Continue dancing and drinking.
1:30am- Head back to the max and wait. 3 brilliant friends of mine and myself decide it would be a good time to get into a slapping contest and proceed to slap each other on the face as hard as we possibly can. Realize everyone that is also waiting for the train are watching us with gaping mouths. Decide I don’t really care and continue. Best boy friend pukes red shit all over his vans. Mild brown out after that because I don’t remember the ride back to the hotel.
2:30am- Arrive back at hotel. Enter hotel room to E (cousin’s gf and my besty) flipping out because she pissed the bed. Take her into the bathroom and strip her wet clothes off and put her into one of my dresses. She calms down. 10 minutes later she flips out again and I have to restrain her and she tries to fight me. I take her into the bathroom again and have to slap her across the face to get her to calm down. She is clearly blacked out. Calm her down AGAIN, smoke a cig with her on the balcony and put her to bed.
3:00am- Legs and the gay asian arrive back bearing 7-11 gifts. Shove cheetos into my face and realize they are the spicy kind (I hate spicy foods) and start jumping up and down. Soothe the mouth burn by inhaling an egg salad sandwich. From 7-11. Classy.
4:00am- Finally pass out.
Sunday:
9:00am- Wake up feeling completely famished. Go to breakfast in the hotel and order the buffet. Worst buffet ever. Feel sick.
10:00am- Go to the pool and sit on the edge with my feet dangling in, feeling ill.
10:30am- Go to pack up the blue angel. Great, she has a flat tire. Like completely flat. Call AAA and have them come change it because im lazy like that.
11:00am- Pack up car and head to Firestone to get a stupid tire.
12:00pm- 100 dollars later we are back on the road.
1:00pm- Hit terrible traffic.
2:00pm- Hit more terrible traffic.
3:00pm- Hit even more terrible traffic.
4:00- Continue hitting traffic until we are about a half hour out of Seattle.
6:00- Arrive home and shoot myself in the head because I am so exhausted and over driving and sitting in a car. Okay, I didn’t actually shoot myself, that was a lie, but I wanted to! Instead I was sweet and went and picked S up and brought him one of his favorite foods to in return find out he doesn’t know if he is in love with me.
That’s usually what someone wants to come home to after an awesome weekend, right?
Whatevs, I have actually felt okay the past 3 days. Strong. Better than all this ish. We’ll see if that feeling continues.
On a completely unrelated note, my mother has MRSA. I am leaving work early today to take her to the hospy. Her cute little MRSA infection is resisting normal antibiotics so she has to be hooked up to an IV. Good times. Hopefully I have an open cut somewhere on my body and her infection infects me. That would be the perfect ending to a shitty week.
2 positive things I should mention: Saturday I am helping my friend throw a pub crawl fundraiser for her friend that has ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). I am passionate about it because my grandfather passed away from ALS. Lot’s of awareness needs to be raised about this disease so more research can be done. Just sayin’.
Also, I am attending an 80’s movie costume party on Saturday after the fundraiser. While most of the girls will be all Flashdance and Pretty Woman and other slut inspired costumes, yours truly will be decked out as Jareth, the Goblin King from the Labyrinth. Mullet rocker wig, white billowy pirate shirt with black vest over it, cape with large collar, gray leggings and black knee high boots. Oh, and a sock stuffed into the leggings to give the "bulge" effect. I practiced my David Bowie makeup last night. With the whole costume on, I looked so gross. But ridiculously amazing, simultaneously. I truly amaze myself with my ability to put a costume together.
On that note, I am off to staphinfectionville.
Pump up songs of the moment:
Figurine- Let's make our love song
Mates of State- Middle is Gold
Sad sack songs of the moment:
Cat Power- The Greatest
Okkervil River- A King and a Queen
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Ouch
I tried to post about my weekend in Portland yesterday, because it was genuinely SUCH a good time. Had by all. But I was too bummed and crushed and heart broken.
Sunday when I got back I picked S and my dogs up from an art show he was doing live painting at (and trying to sell some paintings he has had sitting around for awhile).
I brought him his favorite fast food that I intentionally went out of my way to get because the closest one is like 30 miles from where we live.
And he just seemed hostile. And angry. And annoyed by me. For no reason.
I cry and tell him I don’t understand why he is being the way he is being. He says I am reading into things and blah blah blah.
Eventually we get to my house and we are lying on the bed and I tell him I love him. Genuinely. And he says “K”. So I ask him “do you love me?” and he says “I love you. I care about you. I just don’t know that I’m IN love with you.”
Ouch. Pretty much the worst thing someone can say to you.
I sit up and stare at the blank tv screen for about a half hour while he repeatedly says “im sorry, im sorry, im sorry,” while stroking my back and holding my hand and crying. He then proceeds to tell me that this doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to hang out with me/ see me anymore.
Wait, what? What is the point of me trying to make this work if you aren’t in love with me? In case you haven’t noticed, I AM in love with you, dip shit.
So now I’m just…spent.
I’m tired of thinking about it. I’m tired of thinking about him. I am tired of feeling so happy with everything in my life except for my situation with him. I am tired of putting his happiness over my own. I am tired of revolving around his schedule and what he wants. I am tired of him making me feel like a huge pile of worthless shit. I am tired of him blaming me for everything, all the time.
I just don’t need this shit. I deserve so much better. I at LEAST deserve someone that wants to see me and feels excited about me and could potentially fall in love with me and be in love with me at some point. I am wasting my time. He is wasting my time. I’m F’ing almost 30 years old. I would like to get married at some point.
How do I always end up here? Why am I always the girl that allows her ex boyfriend to use her until she doesn’t have a purpose anymore for him?
I haven’t talked to him since. I honestly don’t have any plans to contact him at all. I can’t say I won’t answer or respond if he texts or calls me. I WANT to say I won’t, but then I might just be lying to myself and I don’t want to do that. But I’m not going to initiate any contact.
I feel so numb.
Sunday when I got back I picked S and my dogs up from an art show he was doing live painting at (and trying to sell some paintings he has had sitting around for awhile).
I brought him his favorite fast food that I intentionally went out of my way to get because the closest one is like 30 miles from where we live.
And he just seemed hostile. And angry. And annoyed by me. For no reason.
I cry and tell him I don’t understand why he is being the way he is being. He says I am reading into things and blah blah blah.
Eventually we get to my house and we are lying on the bed and I tell him I love him. Genuinely. And he says “K”. So I ask him “do you love me?” and he says “I love you. I care about you. I just don’t know that I’m IN love with you.”
Ouch. Pretty much the worst thing someone can say to you.
I sit up and stare at the blank tv screen for about a half hour while he repeatedly says “im sorry, im sorry, im sorry,” while stroking my back and holding my hand and crying. He then proceeds to tell me that this doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to hang out with me/ see me anymore.
Wait, what? What is the point of me trying to make this work if you aren’t in love with me? In case you haven’t noticed, I AM in love with you, dip shit.
So now I’m just…spent.
I’m tired of thinking about it. I’m tired of thinking about him. I am tired of feeling so happy with everything in my life except for my situation with him. I am tired of putting his happiness over my own. I am tired of revolving around his schedule and what he wants. I am tired of him making me feel like a huge pile of worthless shit. I am tired of him blaming me for everything, all the time.
I just don’t need this shit. I deserve so much better. I at LEAST deserve someone that wants to see me and feels excited about me and could potentially fall in love with me and be in love with me at some point. I am wasting my time. He is wasting my time. I’m F’ing almost 30 years old. I would like to get married at some point.
How do I always end up here? Why am I always the girl that allows her ex boyfriend to use her until she doesn’t have a purpose anymore for him?
I haven’t talked to him since. I honestly don’t have any plans to contact him at all. I can’t say I won’t answer or respond if he texts or calls me. I WANT to say I won’t, but then I might just be lying to myself and I don’t want to do that. But I’m not going to initiate any contact.
I feel so numb.
Friday, August 21, 2009
I know there are other guys out there who would mesh well with me. I’m not disillusioned into thinking S is the only soulmate out there for me. The whole notion of soulmates, in my humble opinion, is hogwash.
For crying out loud, S is a scumbag. He is dirty, he gets paint everywhere, including all over my bedroom and his clothing. And he still continues to wear the paint crusted clothing. Forever. He doesn’t shower everyday and his hair gets greasy and he doesn’t get regular haircuts. He cuts it himself every so often. He is very hairy. Like hair on his back and shoulders and everywhere hairy. He isn’t very affectionate and I have a feeling he might be on the brink of being a high functioning autistic. He has a hard time accepting ever being wrong or having issues of his own. He has the tendency to be a bit of a womanizer.
But on the flip side, I can also be a scumbag. I like cleaning up his messes and helping him. His art is amazing and that makes the paint all over the place not such a big deal. I love the brown freckle in the white of his eye. He is incredibly good looking. I like teasing him for being half Mexican. He gets me. He sings with me. He jokes with me. He is silly with me. The sex is incredible and he is the most non selfish boy I have encountered. He is caring and empathetic to a fault. He is vegan and only shops at thrift stores or purchases clothes that are 100% American made. He loves our dogs and all animals, across the board. Including spiders.Yuck. Our interests and tastes are very similar and when he paints, I read. He has good taste in music. He tells me I am pretty. I have no doubt he has been faithful to me, even during this whole break up thing.
I keep telling myself alright Betty, it’s time to move on. This whole on/ off thing isn’t working for you. He must not be that into you anymore. And then I’ll get a text from him:
S- Cute that I have that metal box of yours in my office and there is a vibrator in it and a letter from Danny (first boyfriend—abusive, terrible, the whole nine)
B- A vibrator????????
S- A pink one
B- I have NO idea what the vibrator is. I have only had one ever, and it’s currently in my bedside table. You know that.
S- The letter says “you are my life and I want things to work for us. Love is a hard thing to loose. I feel we will be holding in love and not sorrow again. Please give me hope in love. I feel empty but hope for fulfullness someday by my love” and it’s written on pink paper.
B- hahahahahahaha!!! Too bad that doesn’t even make sense! He loved me so much he beat me! Wah, now I miss him! Sorry you had to find that. I am sure you are seething with jealousy now.
S- I got so mad that I punched a hole in the wall. There are also a bunch of letters from J but I didn’t read them.
B- So basically the metal box is my ex bf box? I didn’t even know. How romantic and special.
S- Actually it’s mostly nail polish.
B- That’s what I thought I used it for. I must have thrown that stuff in it randomly. The vibrator is a mystery….at least you got a little dose of Danny wisdom. Happy Friday!
On an unrelated note, someone stole my “god bless the USA” ribbon magnet off the back of my car. Guess it’s karma considering it’s a hobby of mine to steal ones that are humorous to me off of other peoples cars. Right now my “support badgirls” that I snagged of a car on the Oregon coast stands alone. Which actually makes it look like I somehow support badgirls. Or that I deem myself a badgirl.
Lastly, what is with juggalo’s? Please tell me other people have had the pleasure of experiencing this amazing phenomenon. If not, let me give a brief description of what a juggalo is. A juggalo is an individual who is a huge fan of or follows everything ICP (insane clown posse) or psychopathic records related. They dress in hot topic attire and paint their faces like clowns. Apparently it’s a lifestyle? I can’t get over it. I have been watching youtube videos nonstop and frequenting http://www.myjuggalospace.com/. Now it’s my duty to organize a juggalo themed party and make all my friends participate. I can’t wait!
Tomorrow it’s off to Portland I go for some guaranteed tom foolery. I’ll have stories on Monday, believe. Ttfn.
Pump up songs of the moment:
Basement Jaxx- Hot n cold
The Postal Service- Such great heights (john tejada remix)
Numero#- Hit Pop
Sad sack songs of the moment:
Deerhunter- Twilight at carbon Lake
OMD- If you leave
Bowerbirds- Dark Horse
For crying out loud, S is a scumbag. He is dirty, he gets paint everywhere, including all over my bedroom and his clothing. And he still continues to wear the paint crusted clothing. Forever. He doesn’t shower everyday and his hair gets greasy and he doesn’t get regular haircuts. He cuts it himself every so often. He is very hairy. Like hair on his back and shoulders and everywhere hairy. He isn’t very affectionate and I have a feeling he might be on the brink of being a high functioning autistic. He has a hard time accepting ever being wrong or having issues of his own. He has the tendency to be a bit of a womanizer.
But on the flip side, I can also be a scumbag. I like cleaning up his messes and helping him. His art is amazing and that makes the paint all over the place not such a big deal. I love the brown freckle in the white of his eye. He is incredibly good looking. I like teasing him for being half Mexican. He gets me. He sings with me. He jokes with me. He is silly with me. The sex is incredible and he is the most non selfish boy I have encountered. He is caring and empathetic to a fault. He is vegan and only shops at thrift stores or purchases clothes that are 100% American made. He loves our dogs and all animals, across the board. Including spiders.Yuck. Our interests and tastes are very similar and when he paints, I read. He has good taste in music. He tells me I am pretty. I have no doubt he has been faithful to me, even during this whole break up thing.
I keep telling myself alright Betty, it’s time to move on. This whole on/ off thing isn’t working for you. He must not be that into you anymore. And then I’ll get a text from him:
S- Cute that I have that metal box of yours in my office and there is a vibrator in it and a letter from Danny (first boyfriend—abusive, terrible, the whole nine)
B- A vibrator????????
S- A pink one
B- I have NO idea what the vibrator is. I have only had one ever, and it’s currently in my bedside table. You know that.
S- The letter says “you are my life and I want things to work for us. Love is a hard thing to loose. I feel we will be holding in love and not sorrow again. Please give me hope in love. I feel empty but hope for fulfullness someday by my love” and it’s written on pink paper.
B- hahahahahahaha!!! Too bad that doesn’t even make sense! He loved me so much he beat me! Wah, now I miss him! Sorry you had to find that. I am sure you are seething with jealousy now.
S- I got so mad that I punched a hole in the wall. There are also a bunch of letters from J but I didn’t read them.
B- So basically the metal box is my ex bf box? I didn’t even know. How romantic and special.
S- Actually it’s mostly nail polish.
B- That’s what I thought I used it for. I must have thrown that stuff in it randomly. The vibrator is a mystery….at least you got a little dose of Danny wisdom. Happy Friday!
On an unrelated note, someone stole my “god bless the USA” ribbon magnet off the back of my car. Guess it’s karma considering it’s a hobby of mine to steal ones that are humorous to me off of other peoples cars. Right now my “support badgirls” that I snagged of a car on the Oregon coast stands alone. Which actually makes it look like I somehow support badgirls. Or that I deem myself a badgirl.
Lastly, what is with juggalo’s? Please tell me other people have had the pleasure of experiencing this amazing phenomenon. If not, let me give a brief description of what a juggalo is. A juggalo is an individual who is a huge fan of or follows everything ICP (insane clown posse) or psychopathic records related. They dress in hot topic attire and paint their faces like clowns. Apparently it’s a lifestyle? I can’t get over it. I have been watching youtube videos nonstop and frequenting http://www.myjuggalospace.com/. Now it’s my duty to organize a juggalo themed party and make all my friends participate. I can’t wait!
Tomorrow it’s off to Portland I go for some guaranteed tom foolery. I’ll have stories on Monday, believe. Ttfn.
Pump up songs of the moment:
Basement Jaxx- Hot n cold
The Postal Service- Such great heights (john tejada remix)
Numero#- Hit Pop
Sad sack songs of the moment:
Deerhunter- Twilight at carbon Lake
OMD- If you leave
Bowerbirds- Dark Horse
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Back from Vacay, back from catching up at work, back from having to check back into life. Hate that.
Sooo…Trip to small town was pretty uneventful considering how it usually ends up. We bbq’ed, we watched fireworks, we went to the hippest bar in town and saw half the people I went to highschool with. My favorite conversation of the evening went like this
Me: Hey boy that I dated briefly and should totally know who I am, how are you?
Boy that I dated briefly and should totally know who I am: Uhhh, hi?
Me: You have no idea who I am, do you?
Boy that I dated briefly and should totally know who I am: Didn’t you hang out with Betty Jones?
Me: Cute!!! I AM Betty Jones, cutie pie. Wow. I mean, I know I am brunette now, but I don’t look THAT different!
Boy that I dated briefly and should totally know who I am: Oh yeah…I was TOTALLY kidding!
Me: Yeah, whatevs, you totally weren’t. Peace.
Anywho, my trip to Idaho was pretty bad a. Especially making this joke any opportunity possible “ Idaho? You da ho!” There was lot’s of swimming and sunning and family time. Which is always good because my aunts are bigger lushes than I am and we would do “cocktail hour”(never actually was an hour—more like cocktails for the rest of the night) every night.
The first night Cousin, me and E (cousins gf and also my besty) hosted. We made Watermelon lemonade martinis with slices of lemon and watermelon. They were delish. I drank at least 2000 of them. I could clearly make out blackout island on the horizon. We also made crustini’s with cream cheese, herbs and caramelized onions and pepperchini’s stuffed with Dungeness crab and cream cheese.
That night ended in the entire party of people completely obliterated/ hammered/ wasted. Skinny dipping with family? What??? Not that I remember it. Having to be carried piggy back by my uncle (don’t worry, I had my clothes back on by that point…or so I’m told…) to my tent and re-spraining my ankle and possibly tearing a couple more ligaments in my knee (on top of the meniscus I tore years ago dancing at a club after drinking too many jaeger bombs…do you see a trend here???).
The trip ended in lots of rain, tarping of our campsite, games of dominos played constantly under said tarps. The most amazing thunder/ lightning storms I have EVER seen, constant drinking of different vodka concoctions, bee infestations (which resulted in me creating the best bee trap in the entire campsite. Seriously. I caught at least 40 bees in that thing. No fancy schmancy store bought shit. Just a pot filled with soapy water. A stick with turkey meat, fish and watermelon strung on it over the pot and voila! Bees are greedy little bastards. They try to carry too much at one time and end up falling in the water. It works like a charm, trust.) , too much food, and then a long 6 hour drive back to Sea-town.
I had no phone service the whole time so I didn’t even get a chance to drunk harass S, which was a good thing. I called him right when I had service (of course) and we made plans for Friday. I also got a text from my ex bf’s current girlfriend.
Background: J and I were together for 3 years. We lived together. I thought we would get married eventually. He dumped me because he didn’t want to be tied down and wanted to focus on his art (note to self: DON’T DATE ARTISTS..oh wait I am still dating S…Ugh!!). We still hung out for a while after we broke up, banging out and generally acting like bf/gf. And then he met current gf and I’m sure you can guess what happened. Yep, he suddenly could be tied down and they moved in with each other within 4 months of dating. And the rest is history. They have been together for like 2 ½ years now. Luckily S and I started dating right when they started dating, so it wasn’t completely heart breaking and gut wrenching. I mean, it was, but the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Or so they say. Another good part of the whole scenario is that her and I totally adore one another and get on like peas and carrots, so that’s a bonus. When J started dating her, he pretty much just started dating me all over again, except a little less smart and witty, a tad thicker and a few years younger. He get’s SUPER annoyed when we hang out because her and I are so much alike and do the same annoying crap.
So back to the story.
She asked if S and I wanted to go camping, which we did, so we met them up at a river about 2 hours east of Seattle on Saturday. Me, S, ex bf and his current gf. Seems like it could be awkward, but it’s not at all. Beer pong, more bee traps (what is with all these bee’s in Washington? Get lost!), vodka, soda water and crystal lite, hicks camping next to us and bringing over orange liqueur that everyone else thinks is nasty, so I decide it would be bad a for me to chug it down. I bet you will never guess what the result of this will be? Hi, black out island. Nice to see you again. Had to be carried to the tent AGAIN. What is with me and being carried to tents? Hmm, perhaps I shouldn’t drink so much. Attempted sloppy, heavy breathing, smelly orange liqueured breath make outs with S, to which he turned down. With obvious good reason.
The rest of the week has been blah. Trivia night at my local watering hole on Monday. Helped S with an art project Tuesday. Yesterday, zip zilch nada. Going to Portland this weekend for one of my besty’s birthday extravaganzas. Won’t talk to S until I get back, im sure.
Have I mentioned that I hate this cycle? Right now we are in the “I need a break from you for a few days” cycle where we don’t talk. I sent him a text yesterday to which he chose not to respond, so now it’s back to the countdown of days when he contacts me or I cave and contact him.
Ugh, when will I tire of this?
Pump up songs of the moment:
Ratatat – Seventeen
…And you will know us by the trail of the dead- How near how far
Kanye West- Stronger
Ghostland Observatory- Sad sad city
Sad sack songs of the moment:
Bodies of Water- If I were a bell
Inara George- Fools in Love
Regina Spektor- Samson
Sooo…Trip to small town was pretty uneventful considering how it usually ends up. We bbq’ed, we watched fireworks, we went to the hippest bar in town and saw half the people I went to highschool with. My favorite conversation of the evening went like this
Me: Hey boy that I dated briefly and should totally know who I am, how are you?
Boy that I dated briefly and should totally know who I am: Uhhh, hi?
Me: You have no idea who I am, do you?
Boy that I dated briefly and should totally know who I am: Didn’t you hang out with Betty Jones?
Me: Cute!!! I AM Betty Jones, cutie pie. Wow. I mean, I know I am brunette now, but I don’t look THAT different!
Boy that I dated briefly and should totally know who I am: Oh yeah…I was TOTALLY kidding!
Me: Yeah, whatevs, you totally weren’t. Peace.
Anywho, my trip to Idaho was pretty bad a. Especially making this joke any opportunity possible “ Idaho? You da ho!” There was lot’s of swimming and sunning and family time. Which is always good because my aunts are bigger lushes than I am and we would do “cocktail hour”(never actually was an hour—more like cocktails for the rest of the night) every night.
The first night Cousin, me and E (cousins gf and also my besty) hosted. We made Watermelon lemonade martinis with slices of lemon and watermelon. They were delish. I drank at least 2000 of them. I could clearly make out blackout island on the horizon. We also made crustini’s with cream cheese, herbs and caramelized onions and pepperchini’s stuffed with Dungeness crab and cream cheese.
That night ended in the entire party of people completely obliterated/ hammered/ wasted. Skinny dipping with family? What??? Not that I remember it. Having to be carried piggy back by my uncle (don’t worry, I had my clothes back on by that point…or so I’m told…) to my tent and re-spraining my ankle and possibly tearing a couple more ligaments in my knee (on top of the meniscus I tore years ago dancing at a club after drinking too many jaeger bombs…do you see a trend here???).
The trip ended in lots of rain, tarping of our campsite, games of dominos played constantly under said tarps. The most amazing thunder/ lightning storms I have EVER seen, constant drinking of different vodka concoctions, bee infestations (which resulted in me creating the best bee trap in the entire campsite. Seriously. I caught at least 40 bees in that thing. No fancy schmancy store bought shit. Just a pot filled with soapy water. A stick with turkey meat, fish and watermelon strung on it over the pot and voila! Bees are greedy little bastards. They try to carry too much at one time and end up falling in the water. It works like a charm, trust.) , too much food, and then a long 6 hour drive back to Sea-town.
I had no phone service the whole time so I didn’t even get a chance to drunk harass S, which was a good thing. I called him right when I had service (of course) and we made plans for Friday. I also got a text from my ex bf’s current girlfriend.
Background: J and I were together for 3 years. We lived together. I thought we would get married eventually. He dumped me because he didn’t want to be tied down and wanted to focus on his art (note to self: DON’T DATE ARTISTS..oh wait I am still dating S…Ugh!!). We still hung out for a while after we broke up, banging out and generally acting like bf/gf. And then he met current gf and I’m sure you can guess what happened. Yep, he suddenly could be tied down and they moved in with each other within 4 months of dating. And the rest is history. They have been together for like 2 ½ years now. Luckily S and I started dating right when they started dating, so it wasn’t completely heart breaking and gut wrenching. I mean, it was, but the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Or so they say. Another good part of the whole scenario is that her and I totally adore one another and get on like peas and carrots, so that’s a bonus. When J started dating her, he pretty much just started dating me all over again, except a little less smart and witty, a tad thicker and a few years younger. He get’s SUPER annoyed when we hang out because her and I are so much alike and do the same annoying crap.
So back to the story.
She asked if S and I wanted to go camping, which we did, so we met them up at a river about 2 hours east of Seattle on Saturday. Me, S, ex bf and his current gf. Seems like it could be awkward, but it’s not at all. Beer pong, more bee traps (what is with all these bee’s in Washington? Get lost!), vodka, soda water and crystal lite, hicks camping next to us and bringing over orange liqueur that everyone else thinks is nasty, so I decide it would be bad a for me to chug it down. I bet you will never guess what the result of this will be? Hi, black out island. Nice to see you again. Had to be carried to the tent AGAIN. What is with me and being carried to tents? Hmm, perhaps I shouldn’t drink so much. Attempted sloppy, heavy breathing, smelly orange liqueured breath make outs with S, to which he turned down. With obvious good reason.
The rest of the week has been blah. Trivia night at my local watering hole on Monday. Helped S with an art project Tuesday. Yesterday, zip zilch nada. Going to Portland this weekend for one of my besty’s birthday extravaganzas. Won’t talk to S until I get back, im sure.
Have I mentioned that I hate this cycle? Right now we are in the “I need a break from you for a few days” cycle where we don’t talk. I sent him a text yesterday to which he chose not to respond, so now it’s back to the countdown of days when he contacts me or I cave and contact him.
Ugh, when will I tire of this?
Pump up songs of the moment:
Ratatat – Seventeen
…And you will know us by the trail of the dead- How near how far
Kanye West- Stronger
Ghostland Observatory- Sad sad city
Sad sack songs of the moment:
Bodies of Water- If I were a bell
Inara George- Fools in Love
Regina Spektor- Samson
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Small town, here I come
Well, I called him.
It was for a good reason though, I swear. I am going to Idaho next week and our dogs are coming with me and he has their large wire cage that I need at his house. He was supposed to go on a bachelor party camping trip this weekend but turns out his friends are going Thursday- Monday and he can’t get the time off. So he awkwardly asked if he could come with me to do what I am doing Saturday, which includes, but certainly is not limited to:
1.) going to my small hometown where people watching is a special treat
2.) running into people I grew up with that are now married to other people I went to highschool with and have 6+ kids. All gems.
3.) An awesome fireworks show
4.) Drinking booze (hi, my favorite) and bbq’ing
5.) Frequenting local bars and feeling like I am at the highschool reunion I never wanted to attend.
6.) Casino visiting which usually results in me dancing furiously to whichever cover band is playing for the night. Usually top 40 or R&B. Doesn’t even matter who they are. In my beer goggled eyes they are Jodeci and having the most epic performance of their lives.
7.) A trip to blackout island
8.) Tenting in my aunt and uncles backyard that is right at the bottom of a mountain.
Now, I must say that I am shocked he even wants to partake in the debauchery because here is a list of things that have occurred the past 2 years he has attended with me.
1.) Trips to blackout island both times.
2.) My cousins girlfriend getting arrested after they had a “domestic dispute” which was really just a small town excuse to arrest a lesbian.
3.) Me on a drunken rampage running through said small towns cemetery and trying to sleep in a ditch.
4.) A drunken game of truth, dare, double dare, promise or repeat.
5.) My mom having to pick me up on a very visible street corner in said small town because I am too drunk to function.
6.) A highschool buddy of mine serving me shot after shot of godknowswhat at the local bar he works at.
7.) Me drunkenly telling guys from highschool that I once upon a time had a crush on them and now they are total losers. And laughing at them.
8.) Me drunkenly telling a guy that fingerbanged me in the attic of his room that he shared with his sister (my good friend) , that jesus sucked and Christianity was stupid (because he was preaching the bible and wearing a giant cross necklace).
9.) My cousin standing on a rock in the middle of a busy intersection (or as busy as a small town intersection can be) singing “Bawitdaba-da-bang-da-dang-diggy-diggy-diggy-said-the boogie-said-up-jump-the-boogie” …the lyrics to one of the shittiest songs ever by kid rock. Don’t get me wrong, all kid rock songs are shitty, but that one is the worst of the worst.
So, needless to say, it should be interesting. And I still love him. And I am excited he invited himself. And I am excited to follow up banging out in a tent last weekend with more banging out in a tent this weekend.
Pump up songs of the moment:
M83- Run into flowers (midnight fuck remix by Jackson)
Hot chip- Wrestlers (sticky dirty pop remix)
Phoenix- Girlfriend
Passion Pit- I’ve got your number
No sad sack songs of the moment, sorry.
It was for a good reason though, I swear. I am going to Idaho next week and our dogs are coming with me and he has their large wire cage that I need at his house. He was supposed to go on a bachelor party camping trip this weekend but turns out his friends are going Thursday- Monday and he can’t get the time off. So he awkwardly asked if he could come with me to do what I am doing Saturday, which includes, but certainly is not limited to:
1.) going to my small hometown where people watching is a special treat
2.) running into people I grew up with that are now married to other people I went to highschool with and have 6+ kids. All gems.
3.) An awesome fireworks show
4.) Drinking booze (hi, my favorite) and bbq’ing
5.) Frequenting local bars and feeling like I am at the highschool reunion I never wanted to attend.
6.) Casino visiting which usually results in me dancing furiously to whichever cover band is playing for the night. Usually top 40 or R&B. Doesn’t even matter who they are. In my beer goggled eyes they are Jodeci and having the most epic performance of their lives.
7.) A trip to blackout island
8.) Tenting in my aunt and uncles backyard that is right at the bottom of a mountain.
Now, I must say that I am shocked he even wants to partake in the debauchery because here is a list of things that have occurred the past 2 years he has attended with me.
1.) Trips to blackout island both times.
2.) My cousins girlfriend getting arrested after they had a “domestic dispute” which was really just a small town excuse to arrest a lesbian.
3.) Me on a drunken rampage running through said small towns cemetery and trying to sleep in a ditch.
4.) A drunken game of truth, dare, double dare, promise or repeat.
5.) My mom having to pick me up on a very visible street corner in said small town because I am too drunk to function.
6.) A highschool buddy of mine serving me shot after shot of godknowswhat at the local bar he works at.
7.) Me drunkenly telling guys from highschool that I once upon a time had a crush on them and now they are total losers. And laughing at them.
8.) Me drunkenly telling a guy that fingerbanged me in the attic of his room that he shared with his sister (my good friend) , that jesus sucked and Christianity was stupid (because he was preaching the bible and wearing a giant cross necklace).
9.) My cousin standing on a rock in the middle of a busy intersection (or as busy as a small town intersection can be) singing “Bawitdaba-da-bang-da-dang-diggy-diggy-diggy-said-the boogie-said-up-jump-the-boogie” …the lyrics to one of the shittiest songs ever by kid rock. Don’t get me wrong, all kid rock songs are shitty, but that one is the worst of the worst.
So, needless to say, it should be interesting. And I still love him. And I am excited he invited himself. And I am excited to follow up banging out in a tent last weekend with more banging out in a tent this weekend.
Pump up songs of the moment:
M83- Run into flowers (midnight fuck remix by Jackson)
Hot chip- Wrestlers (sticky dirty pop remix)
Phoenix- Girlfriend
Passion Pit- I’ve got your number
No sad sack songs of the moment, sorry.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
So we spent all of last weekend together at a cabin on the Olympic Peninsula with friends. We made it to 3 bodies of water in one weekend which is kind of an amazing part of living in Washington state. River, Ocean and Lake all in 2 days.
I only made a visit to blackout island one of the nights. And no, I don't mean I actually went to an island. That's just my term for blacking out from consuming too much booze. Which I tend to do a lot as you will soon learn. We played super perverted and crass charades, talked about sex WAY too much, got some real life action and didn't just talk about it, got annoyed with my friends gf who is super flirty with any guy that will pay attention to her (including S) even though her bf is right there. She is a skinny little redhead with huge, gross, pale boobs and she flails her body around and acts like she is gods gift to men, even though she totally sucks. Whatevs. We generally just acted like total city creeps meet the forest all weekend, and im sure the locals were like alright, get the shit out of here, please and thanks.
I called in sick on Monday and used my sprained ankle as an excuse, even though it's pretty okay at this point. And yes I sprained it the previous weekend after I drank copious amounts of free alcohol at a local event in my city where lot's of amazing bands come and play. Or actually, I sprained it after I drunkenly called S and told him I was all by myself and scared (hi, yeah right. Yes, my friends had indeed ditched me but I could have found them. My drunk self just wanted to see him and I knew I was only blocks away from his house). He came and scooped me and we met up with 2 of my roommates and they decided it would be a wise choice to go to an absinthe bar. Good call. Take the ridiculous drunk girl to an absinthe bar. She needs it, clearly. So we order absinthe, which I have never had before...and instead of sipping it I down mine like a shot. Cut to me boarding a speedboat to blackout island. On the way to the boat I was attempting to flag a cab (even though my companions had already hailed one) and I fell off a curb and sprained the shit out of ankle. Brilliant. And now it looks like I have a foot they would stumble upon sticking out of the ground in some crime show.
S took my car to work Monday since I called in and by the time he came home I was in grouch mode because I knew the time was coming soon where he would make his exit and I wouldn't hear from him until, well, I heard from him. That's what the rollercoaster of our relationship consists of. We hang out when he wants to spend time with me and then I take him home and he says "see you later" or "talk to you soon", and then it's just a waiting game for me. I try to contact him as little as possible because I don't like being needy. He has his life with me and then he has a his life doing lord knows what. I'm just really getting tired of it. I'll feel okay during the time we aren't together. Like truly okay. Doing my own thing. And then he will call and say "want to hangout" and i'll be like duh. And while we are hanging out i'll get progressively more anxious and crabby, because I know it will be coming to an end soon. It's just a cycle that keeps repeating itself. I hate being in limbo. Monday was the last time I talked to him. We are going on day 2 of not hearing from him. He is going camping with a bachelor party this weekend and I am going to Idaho for 5 days Monday, so we'll see if he contacts me for some quality time before that. Doubtful.
Our cable is out so last night I was watching old episodes of Laguna beach I have on DVD (i am not even sure why I have Laguna beach on DVD...weird) and when Jason was treating Jessica like crap and never calling her except when he wanted some ass, I was like oh shit, is that ME?? Am I like Jessica?? Is S my Jason? Is that how I look to the outside world? And then I punched myself in the face after I realized I was getting all sappy and introspective after watching Laguna F'ing Beach of all things. Man, i am getting pathetic in my old age of 29.
Sad sack songs of the moment: The Sounds- Night after Night
Beirut- The Penalty
Arcade Fire- Crown of Love
Pump up songs of the moment: Architecture in Helsinki- Wishbone
Beirut- Scenic World
Vampire Weekend- I Stand Corrected
I only made a visit to blackout island one of the nights. And no, I don't mean I actually went to an island. That's just my term for blacking out from consuming too much booze. Which I tend to do a lot as you will soon learn. We played super perverted and crass charades, talked about sex WAY too much, got some real life action and didn't just talk about it, got annoyed with my friends gf who is super flirty with any guy that will pay attention to her (including S) even though her bf is right there. She is a skinny little redhead with huge, gross, pale boobs and she flails her body around and acts like she is gods gift to men, even though she totally sucks. Whatevs. We generally just acted like total city creeps meet the forest all weekend, and im sure the locals were like alright, get the shit out of here, please and thanks.
I called in sick on Monday and used my sprained ankle as an excuse, even though it's pretty okay at this point. And yes I sprained it the previous weekend after I drank copious amounts of free alcohol at a local event in my city where lot's of amazing bands come and play. Or actually, I sprained it after I drunkenly called S and told him I was all by myself and scared (hi, yeah right. Yes, my friends had indeed ditched me but I could have found them. My drunk self just wanted to see him and I knew I was only blocks away from his house). He came and scooped me and we met up with 2 of my roommates and they decided it would be a wise choice to go to an absinthe bar. Good call. Take the ridiculous drunk girl to an absinthe bar. She needs it, clearly. So we order absinthe, which I have never had before...and instead of sipping it I down mine like a shot. Cut to me boarding a speedboat to blackout island. On the way to the boat I was attempting to flag a cab (even though my companions had already hailed one) and I fell off a curb and sprained the shit out of ankle. Brilliant. And now it looks like I have a foot they would stumble upon sticking out of the ground in some crime show.
S took my car to work Monday since I called in and by the time he came home I was in grouch mode because I knew the time was coming soon where he would make his exit and I wouldn't hear from him until, well, I heard from him. That's what the rollercoaster of our relationship consists of. We hang out when he wants to spend time with me and then I take him home and he says "see you later" or "talk to you soon", and then it's just a waiting game for me. I try to contact him as little as possible because I don't like being needy. He has his life with me and then he has a his life doing lord knows what. I'm just really getting tired of it. I'll feel okay during the time we aren't together. Like truly okay. Doing my own thing. And then he will call and say "want to hangout" and i'll be like duh. And while we are hanging out i'll get progressively more anxious and crabby, because I know it will be coming to an end soon. It's just a cycle that keeps repeating itself. I hate being in limbo. Monday was the last time I talked to him. We are going on day 2 of not hearing from him. He is going camping with a bachelor party this weekend and I am going to Idaho for 5 days Monday, so we'll see if he contacts me for some quality time before that. Doubtful.
Our cable is out so last night I was watching old episodes of Laguna beach I have on DVD (i am not even sure why I have Laguna beach on DVD...weird) and when Jason was treating Jessica like crap and never calling her except when he wanted some ass, I was like oh shit, is that ME?? Am I like Jessica?? Is S my Jason? Is that how I look to the outside world? And then I punched myself in the face after I realized I was getting all sappy and introspective after watching Laguna F'ing Beach of all things. Man, i am getting pathetic in my old age of 29.
Sad sack songs of the moment: The Sounds- Night after Night
Beirut- The Penalty
Arcade Fire- Crown of Love
Pump up songs of the moment: Architecture in Helsinki- Wishbone
Beirut- Scenic World
Vampire Weekend- I Stand Corrected
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Here we go
How does one go about starting a blog? I should know since I have read like 8000 of them, but it's definitely a different side of the fence when you are writing your own.
I am Betty. This blog will predominantly be about my breakup with S. At least for the time being anyhow, because i'm currently obsessed and ridiculous about the whole situation. S broke up with me almost exactly 2 months ago and now we are doing the "still seeing each other when it's convenient for him, but are not actually a couple...god forbid I even mention being a couple" rollercoaster ride.
It's not fun.
At first I was okay with it because I honestly blame myself for a large chunk of the breakup and have lot's of regrets about things that occured while were together. He needed a break, he needed some time, he needed to think. Fine, fine and fine.
I have been going to therapy and spending a lot of time alone, which is good. I feel good. I realize many of my mistakes and what I need to change to have a healthy, functional relationship. And he recognizes all this. He KNOWS that i can be different and things can be different and we love each other and are so f'ing compatible, but now he is in the zone where he is doing whatever he wants all the time and he knows I am still here, waiting. And i think he kind of likes that zone.
But for me, it sucks. I have been patient and have given him the time and space he needs, respectively. But now I feel like he is either going to let me actually make the changes and go forward with this TOGETHER, or we need to just let go and move on.
So I started this blog to keep track of events and possibly get some outsider, non biased advice. I want to be able to keep track of text messages and e-mails and the like. I feel like I am on the brink of being pathetic with the whole situation and that's really not where I want to be. Or if I am there, I want to be able to at least blog about it to entertain people.
Sad sack album of the moment: Band of Horses, Funeral
I am Betty. This blog will predominantly be about my breakup with S. At least for the time being anyhow, because i'm currently obsessed and ridiculous about the whole situation. S broke up with me almost exactly 2 months ago and now we are doing the "still seeing each other when it's convenient for him, but are not actually a couple...god forbid I even mention being a couple" rollercoaster ride.
It's not fun.
At first I was okay with it because I honestly blame myself for a large chunk of the breakup and have lot's of regrets about things that occured while were together. He needed a break, he needed some time, he needed to think. Fine, fine and fine.
I have been going to therapy and spending a lot of time alone, which is good. I feel good. I realize many of my mistakes and what I need to change to have a healthy, functional relationship. And he recognizes all this. He KNOWS that i can be different and things can be different and we love each other and are so f'ing compatible, but now he is in the zone where he is doing whatever he wants all the time and he knows I am still here, waiting. And i think he kind of likes that zone.
But for me, it sucks. I have been patient and have given him the time and space he needs, respectively. But now I feel like he is either going to let me actually make the changes and go forward with this TOGETHER, or we need to just let go and move on.
So I started this blog to keep track of events and possibly get some outsider, non biased advice. I want to be able to keep track of text messages and e-mails and the like. I feel like I am on the brink of being pathetic with the whole situation and that's really not where I want to be. Or if I am there, I want to be able to at least blog about it to entertain people.
Sad sack album of the moment: Band of Horses, Funeral
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