Update on Portland shenanigans

Saturday:
10:00am- Piled 8 folks into the blue angels ( me and cousins matching blue Hondas) and left. Planned to leave at 9:00am, so we were only an hour behind schedule.
11:00am- Stopped at Poodle Dog restaurant for breaky. And yes, the restaurant is actually called Poodle Dog.
11:15am- Stop to get gas. There was a young man at the gas station in Tacoma wearing a shirt that said "I’m the shit" in large, bold letters. To put it mildly, he definitely wasn’t the shit.
2:00pm- Arrive in Portland, park the blue angels and immediately steal the ribbon magnet off of the truck parked in front of me. Get scolded by my friend. We will call her legs. Because she has long legs.
2:15-3:00pm- Go up to our rooms at the Doubletree and then almost immediately make our way down to the hotel bar. Order vodka soda with lime number one.
3:00pm- Take the max (why can’t Seattle have public transportation like this??) downtown. Hit up a bar and order a shot of jaeger and another vodka soda with lime.
3:30pm-6:30pm- Tool around Portland being noisy, boisterous tourists. Hit up various bars ordering a shot and a drink at each one.
6:30pm- Get back on the Max to go back to hotel and realize that everyone on the max is glaring at us and hating the shit out of all 11 of us.
7:00pm- Primp. Put on new skinny jeans and pin striped shirt with flats. Curse myself for f’ing up my knee so bad that I probably won’t ever be able to wear heels again.
8:00pm- Arrive at thai restaurant for dinner and split a meal with legs. Everyone orders more drinks. Including sake bombs. Yum.
9:30pm- Back to hotel to drop off the blue angels and get on the Max to go back downtown.
10:00pm- Arrive at a gay bar serving $1 wells until 11:00pm. Everyone proceeds to double fist to ensure we get as hammered as possible before 11:00. Success. And I only spent $5. Can’t beat that with a stick. Gather on empty dance floor and group dance our hearts our for 15 minutes or so
11:30pm- Make our way to a bar called the tube. Hipsters and tattooed people galore. We fit in. Order a double vodka soda with lime and take a shot. Stand directly in front of DJ booth and dance my heart out as if I am at a rave. To 50’s and 60’s music. Conclude that I am probably the best dancer in the place.
12:30am- Flip off black out Island. I won’t be visiting you tonight, my friend. Continue dancing and drinking.
1:30am- Head back to the max and wait. 3 brilliant friends of mine and myself decide it would be a good time to get into a slapping contest and proceed to slap each other on the face as hard as we possibly can. Realize everyone that is also waiting for the train are watching us with gaping mouths. Decide I don’t really care and continue. Best boy friend pukes red shit all over his vans. Mild brown out after that because I don’t remember the ride back to the hotel.
2:30am- Arrive back at hotel. Enter hotel room to E (cousin’s gf and my besty) flipping out because she pissed the bed. Take her into the bathroom and strip her wet clothes off and put her into one of my dresses. She calms down. 10 minutes later she flips out again and I have to restrain her and she tries to fight me. I take her into the bathroom again and have to slap her across the face to get her to calm down. She is clearly blacked out. Calm her down AGAIN, smoke a cig with her on the balcony and put her to bed.
3:00am- Legs and the gay asian arrive back bearing 7-11 gifts. Shove cheetos into my face and realize they are the spicy kind (I hate spicy foods) and start jumping up and down. Soothe the mouth burn by inhaling an egg salad sandwich. From 7-11. Classy.
4:00am- Finally pass out.
Sunday:
9:00am- Wake up feeling completely famished. Go to breakfast in the hotel and order the buffet. Worst buffet ever. Feel sick.
10:00am- Go to the pool and sit on the edge with my feet dangling in, feeling ill.
10:30am- Go to pack up the blue angel. Great, she has a flat tire. Like completely flat. Call AAA and have them come change it because im lazy like that.
11:00am- Pack up car and head to Firestone to get a stupid tire.
12:00pm- 100 dollars later we are back on the road.
1:00pm- Hit terrible traffic.
2:00pm- Hit more terrible traffic.
3:00pm- Hit even more terrible traffic.
4:00- Continue hitting traffic until we are about a half hour out of Seattle.
6:00- Arrive home and shoot myself in the head because I am so exhausted and over driving and sitting in a car. Okay, I didn’t actually shoot myself, that was a lie, but I wanted to! Instead I was sweet and went and picked S up and brought him one of his favorite foods to in return find out he doesn’t know if he is in love with me.

That’s usually what someone wants to come home to after an awesome weekend, right?

Whatevs, I have actually felt okay the past 3 days. Strong. Better than all this ish. We’ll see if that feeling continues.

On a completely unrelated note, my mother has MRSA. I am leaving work early today to take her to the hospy. Her cute little MRSA infection is resisting normal antibiotics so she has to be hooked up to an IV. Good times. Hopefully I have an open cut somewhere on my body and her infection infects me. That would be the perfect ending to a shitty week.

2 positive things I should mention: Saturday I am helping my friend throw a pub crawl fundraiser for her friend that has ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). I am passionate about it because my grandfather passed away from ALS. Lot’s of awareness needs to be raised about this disease so more research can be done. Just sayin’.

Also, I am attending an 80’s movie costume party on Saturday after the fundraiser. While most of the girls will be all Flashdance and Pretty Woman and other slut inspired costumes, yours truly will be decked out as Jareth, the Goblin King from the Labyrinth. Mullet rocker wig, white billowy pirate shirt with black vest over it, cape with large collar, gray leggings and black knee high boots. Oh, and a sock stuffed into the leggings to give the "bulge" effect. I practiced my David Bowie makeup last night. With the whole costume on, I looked so gross. But ridiculously amazing, simultaneously. I truly amaze myself with my ability to put a costume together.

On that note, I am off to staphinfectionville.

Pump up songs of the moment:
Figurine- Let's make our love song
Mates of State- Middle is Gold

Sad sack songs of the moment:
Cat Power- The Greatest
Okkervil River- A King and a Queen